Life at the Cottage

So things didn't exactly go as planned.  I'm trying to remember the daily events accurately.  I suppose it was the Thursday after our "meeting" that the doctors made the call that mom had become transfusion dependent.  Basically meaning that she would have to have blood transfusions and injections and platelets just to continue the way she was in the hospital.  Her white cells never got above .04 even with daily boosters.  Her pain meds were only being given every 4 hours and she needed more assistance than we could provide at home.  I won't even go into the fun we had trying to get her into a hospice facility.  Given that we started trying on Thursday and didn't get her anywhere until Saturday at 2 you can only imagine.  Anyway, we got her into a fabulous place.  It has french doors from her room that lead out into this fabulous garden with trees and birds and fountains.  We have been able to wheel her bed right out here.  Saturday night Scip and I stayed the night with her.  I can't say that we slept all that well b/c the chairs weren't that great.  Sunday morning mom had made some marked digression.  We were actually told to call the family and let them say goodbye.  Good times I tell ya.  Lisa was due in at 11 from Miami.  At 10:45 the charge nurse told us to hold her hand and let her know we love her and its ok to go.  At 11 the social worker walked into the room and asked for Mrs. Lehman.  Mom all but sat up and said "I'm Mrs. Lehman".  Still not sure any of us have words for that moment.  Minutes later Lisa, Bob, Suzy and Jenn all showed up and weren't sure what had happened by the look on our faces.  Someone went to get the nurse to tell them we needed her.  She sadly looked up and said "ohhh nooo, I'm so sorry, she has passed".  (something along those lines) and whoever told her "ummm no Susan is up and talking".  Yep we freaked her out.  I proceeded to take a whole xanex and spent the rest of the day drooling in a chair somewhere.  Mom proceeded to eat icecream and dinner and then followed that up with some chinese food with Lisa and I while watching the Bachelorette.  The next morning she woke at 4 wanting coffee.  The morning after that she woke at 4 again wanting coffee and tiramisu.  Why not.  LIsa and I were rocking the night shift giving mom facials and pedis and counting her breathes per minute.  Dad had the day shift and was hanging quietly at her side.  I'm thinking maybe around Wednesday things started to change.  Mom stopped wanting food, then stopped wanting water, her sleeping became more and more frequent w/ less and less interaction with us.  Thursday, the same, Friday the same.  Lisa and I had finally brought in an air mattress at some point and we were getting decent sleep at night.  Bob was coming by in the mornings, some days dad brought Suzy.  Scip and Jenn would pop in too.  Its been quite a circus.  Saturday we were told by the nurse that mom was in a semi coma state and that we should go home and give her some space and take care of ourselves.  Things were progressing to the next level.  We have all said what we need to, we are begging and pleading now for her to go and be at peace.  There won't be any recovery.  Soooo anyway, dad and Suzy stayed till about noon and left.  All of us were having some withdrawel from the "cottage" last night.  So this morning... I was talking with Suzy when dad called the nurses station to find that mom had woken up, pulled out her catheter, stood up, got out of bed and was dragging her morophine pump behind her.  Hmmmm.  Boy wasn't this the last thing we thought we would hear.  I'm sure dad made it down here in record time.  Shortly after dad called me and asked if I wanted to talk to mom.  Ummm sure dad.  (you have to understand, by this point we have had countless mini episodes of saying goodbye just to be startled by her sudden reawakenings).  So I got on the phone w/ mom and of course told her I loved her and of course asked..."so whats going on".  Then dad asked her to tell me what she wanted.  God only knew what she wanted, its been anything from icecream to lamb chops lately.  Well she wanted a Corona and to go sit outside.  So Lisa and I hopped in the car, grabbed the coronas and a lime.  Naturally she was dozing off when I got here so I spoon fed her corona added it to flavor her ice chips.  The nurses and Chaplan Bob all had the same look we did on our faces.  Kind of that open mouthed blank stare.  Lisa and I have proceeded to have the most hilarious day with her.  Clearly she was on a huge morophine high b/c NOTHING she said made any sense and we spoke in British accents for at least 2 hours.  We even got the nurses involved.  Mom has made quite a name for herself here and naturally everyone wants to meet this "miracle woman".  Lisa and I have decided to just take her lead and play in the fun and stop stressing over letting her know its ok to go.  She knows.  She has her own little agenda that she is failing to share with any of us.  Tonight she is resting again and we are enjoying the fabulousness of the "cottage" that we have affectionately nick named this little haven.  Lots of laughter, lots of tears and lots of love in this room.  Thats the update from the past 8 days.  Things are bound to change but who knows at what point they will be the final change.  For now all we can ask is for prayers of peace for mom and prayers for sanity to return to our family.  Mom is taking us all on this wild journey that some people call dying.  I think mom called it siezing the day which she continues to do in her own way.  She always was the last to leave the party.  Updates to follow as things progress or parties are planned.  Love to you all